langgam.org

I’m happy and in love and everything else. I am content with what I have. But sometimes, I feel like I’m left out.

I have a blur memory of myself when I was in 2nd grade. Our family just attended my cousin’s 18th birthday and I was thinking what my 18th birthday would be like. And now, I’m wondering that in a few years I’ll be 30 years old. “A few” is a number with one digit that is less than five. This is entirely different from my childhood pondering. It was an exciting feeling then, but now, it’s more of a panicky and an overwhelming one.

If someone would ask me about the most memorable experience in my life, I can’t think of any. All memories have equal attention for me and I’m not complaining. I can name random memories off the top of my head but it won’t matter because I’d be enumerating a different set of memories after waking up tomorrow. I fear that I’ll have amnesia in the near future, but that would be a different story.

I used to write in journals long ago when there were no cyber journals a.k.a. blogs to ramble on. I thought it was a good thing but my brain got dependent to the things I write in them. But where are my journals now? They’re just stuffed somewhere in my room. Gone. And now, my mind has the reflex of sucking in and flushing out memories.

I want a memory that would make me fall off my chair or even just make my lips draw a half smile. I want a memory that stands out.

Then people like Charlie Andrews in Heroes TV Series would come in the picture. I sometimes wish I had an ability like hers.

I’m turning 26 this year and I know that in the future, I’ll have kids with the man I love, get promoted with the job I want and travel to places I’ve never been before. These will be in the next 4-5 years. But I’m a little worried about the years in between. I don’t know if I would be able to catch up with what I want to do with my life before I get too old.

I feel like I’m missing out on some things. I need to find out what they are. I need to make new memories in this phase of my life. Time’s running out. I won’t be single unmarried forever.

After being expired for a few days, my domain’s back.

I haven’t blogged for several months now. I’m having a hard time writing. Blame it on microblogging. I could have let this domain expire, but I didn’t have the heart to let it go. I just wish I can find something to put in here.

La di da di da.

I want to grow out of this shell. I want to live this life like I never did. I want to try out things I haven’t even thought of trying.

I’m out of time.

How come I don’t blog anymore?

A new, clean theme. Thanks to Wordpress Themes Base.

I’ve been busy for the past few weeks. It’s really hard catching up with tons of stuff at work. Lots to learn, so much to do. But I’m still hanging on. Hopefully this very awkward and stressful part of the adjustment phase would end soon. I still have two months to go before my evaluation so wish me luck.

The whole Kris Allen over Danny Gokey thing being the new American Idol also contributes to the heavy feeling I’m having.

On other news, I’ve started drinking again since my very traumatic experience a few months ago. I’m very surprised to find out that my face starts to get hot after just one bottle of beer. I had tasted the ice cold San Mig Light below zero last week with my room mates. That was the best beer I had since I don’t know when. I know there are several restaurants serving these beers around Metro Manila but I had mine in Grilla in Kalayaan.

I am guessing this week at work would be as hell as the past weeks. I’ll try watching Star Trek and Angels & Demons, that is, if they’re still showing so I can have something to look forward to.

Things are really not as bad as they seem. How’s that for positivity.

Danny Gokey’s out of American Idol Season 8. He’s the one I’ve been watching all season and now that he’s out, I sorta don’t care who would win between Adam Lambert and Kris Allen.

I had my bets at the very start of the season. I was blown away (parang judge a) by Leneshe Young and her song composition. Her audition stood out among all others for me. I was sad when she didn’t make it through the Hollywood week. There was also Emily Wynne Hughes, the girl who sang Barracuda. She was one of the many victims of group day. In the top 36 weeks, I was hoping Jesse Langseth would make it to top 12. I was wondering why the judges preferred Tatiana over her.

In the top 13, my bets were Lil Rounds and Danny Gokey. Their stories were very interesting and my imagination says they would become even more interesting when they win the competition. After watching Lil Rounds pick the wrong songs (as per the judges), Danny Gokey’s my bet for American Idol that can beat Adam Lambert. He has different ways of making the songs colorful using different tones whereas the original song only has a few. One of the songs he sang was What Hurts The Most. I haven’t heard the original, but loved his version anyway. It reminds me of his wife’s story.

So now he’s out of the competition, I don’t know who I should pick between Adam and Kris. But I guess whoever wins this, they all would have an exciting career ahead of them, including Matt and Lil and some of the top 13 contestants.

Last week..

Monday. Too frustrated to work. Was given a simple task since last week and got stuck with an unknown configuration problem blar blar blar Java Spring blah blah. Still not talking in my seat.

Tuesday. Still stuck with the same task. Hoping my superior would not be too impatient. Still shy to ask questions. Had a team meeting which made me talk to the team. This is a good start.

Wednesday. STILL stuck with the task. Still scared to ask questions. Still want to try resolve the bug myself before asking. Self deadline is Thursday before asking for help.

Thursday. Was given a new task with the old task still at hand. Worried that I might not be able to deliver since this was the last day of the week. Asked a team mate to help me with the new task and was able to finish it in two hours. Asked him to help me identify the problem with what the original task that I’m doing particularly the meaning of the error message I keep on getting in my console. Problem solved! Happy! Asked kumares to go out and celebrate and we did. Awesome night.

Friday. Holiday! My brother’s birthday! Fiesta meal at a friend’s house. Got all blushed up after just one glass of Red Horse beer. Videoke with two of my favorite friends. Happy.

Saturday. Watched Yes Man, Taken, Kung Fu Panda The Secrets Of The Furious Five, Wall E, Knowing and The Holiday at home. Happy.

Sunday. Bought new DVDs. Went home far, far away. Started watching America’s Best Dance Crew Season 2. Pacquiao’s amazing!

I hope this week’s gonna be great. My spirit’s up. Go go go!

If I were to pick my favorite day of the week, it would definitely be Friday. I love Friday nights because I get to go home and the thought of having two more free days will be stuck in my head before I go to sleep. Saturday and Sunday for me are my panic days.

My first week at work had been both great and blar blar (I use blar blar when I can’t describe what I feel). I hope everything will turn out from blar blar to okay in no time.

An hour ago, I was anxious and panicky just thinking about being in the office after tomorrow. I feel like I’m running out of time. Good thing I started drinking beer with my boyfriend an hour ago. Really helped me calm down and think everything through.

On other news, I’m recently hooked with American Idol 8. Only five weeks left before the show ends. I’m hoping Danny Gokey would win over Adam Lambert.

My to do’s for next week :

• Learn Spring MVC
• Fix my closet in the apartment (looks like garbage at the moment)
• Download Paramore’s Final Riot
• Start using my Nikon D40 again
• Start using my Holga 120 CFN again
• Start blogging about life, not just opinions

And I realized I’m starting to miss the bum life now.

Since last month, I decided to get a hair spa and a hair cut on a monthly basis. The hair spa only requires two to three applications of treatments. Last month, I had three. This month, two. It may be that simple, but this month’s visit was the most agonizing experience I had.

I always pick the L’Oreal hair and scalp treatment package from the list (I just don’t know what package specifically, apparently there are tons when I try to search for them in Google) which costs me almost 1,000 pesos. And I have no idea if it’s a good price.

It’s funny because I felt stings all over my head when the guy was applying the treatments on my scalp. He was really focusing on applying the treatment by pressing hard onto my little scalp wounds. That was the first round. The second round doesn’t require effort at all because the treatment stings the moment i feel it on my head. I was trying to play Bejeweled the whole time he was doing this to my poor scalp and I always end up closing the game to control myself from screaming from pain.

The salon guy was curious where I got the little wounds on my scalp because according to him, today, my scalp has no dandruff at all. He can remember my visit from last month because my scalp was a disaster back then (dandruff + little wounds). And then we both figured that I should stop my habit of scratching my head at idle times. I have this weird habit of touching my head when concentrating or watching something or when stressed out. But it causes the little wounds not to heal. I promised him I’d try to stop. That would be good for me and my head on my next visit. No more pain.

If I still can’t control myself, I’ll follow the last guy’s advise to cut off my hands. No hands = dandruff-free and wound-free scalp? Not bad, salon guy. Not bad at all.

April 15 marks the third month I have stopped working.

After I lost a job three months ago, it was difficult to adjust at first but I got the hang of it after a few weeks. And now, I’m used to waking up at 10 in the morning unlike before where I have to wake up two hours before the office hours. I wake up, go online, check my mail, socialize with people in Plurk, play online games (JamLegend, Restaurant City and Word Challenge to name a few), watch American Idol and sleep late at night (insert two meals in between all of these, eaten whenever I feel like eating). Not productive but fun.

I have mixed feelings. I’m sad because this phase in my life will be ending after several days. I’m also excited with the new things I’ll be experiencing. And I’m nervous too.

I have ten days left. Minus one day for the medical exam. Minus four days for the family trip in Baguio. Five days left all in all. And I don’t have a clue what I missed out doing in the three-month vacation.

I’ll miss being unemployed. I’ll miss all the free time I have. I’ll miss being in the one place I love. I’ll miss everything.

Now, what to do?