To My Future Husband.

love chronicles, on me
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To my future husband, we have been brought together by fate.

Our love story is like a puzzle. The pieces are there, we know the final picture, but building it one by one will be a bit challenging and worth it at the same time.

Out of n-billion people on this earth, we met at some point. It was memorable and very simple. Our eyes met and we engaged in a never ending conversation. We talked for hours and we didn’t know when to stop. We feared that the train of thought at that moment would be lost and will not reach our refreshed memories if we resume the next day.

You know that I am a hopeless romantic. You know that I believe in sparks and love attraction at first sight because you also do. We both believe that two people can really hit it off with “true love” (an abstract term for an effortless connection between two living souls), and we think that it is exactly what we have.

I thank you for loving my tastes in music, for being a fan of my cheap Soundcloud cover songs, for appreciating my fascination for Pinterest and mushy love quotes, for going around my dislike for voice calls and video chats, for understanding my love for K-pop especially Rain, for liking my boyish ways, for tolerating my tantrums, for being able to get that I have this constant need for old-fashioned romance, for always telling me that you will always love me for who I am, for accepting my flaws and embracing them.

Over the years, we have come from weird places and here we are now. You and I. We knew that we found each other despite all the love, betrayal and hurt we had from the past. I love you, the circumstances that brought our paths together, and the forever that we will be.

Post Mortem.

magic, on me
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You felt special, you felt different. You thought everything made sense. You easily fell and slowly let down your guard. You slowly started to gamble your heart, chip by chip, one turn after the other.

Love, being the roller coaster that it is, made you stumble and you landed flat on your face. Deja vu. You were left hanging and unsure on how long it would take for you to recover this time.

There was nothing. It felt dark and cold being alone. It was a struggle waking up by yourself and trying to sleep with the thought of what went wrong and what you could have done to save the relationship. There were no assurances that everything will eventually be okay. No timeframe on when it will end. Nothing. It is just you and the memories you hold dear. You wanted to keep them for as long as you can remember them.

But after sometime, the memories start to fade. You slowly forget. You slowly build something new, something of your own. You start developing new habits and routines. You will realise that you will not be okay now, but soon. The love you thought you won’t be able to let go slowly flies away on its own. It leaves you lighter, stronger and wiser.

You are finally free. Unbounded. You had your time of depression and grief, and now, acceptance.


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Whether infatuation or true love, I am done with you and whatever this is. Your move.

Dear Daddy.

family, magic
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Dear Daddy,

Just this morning, I saw a helicopter flying across the sky and I vividly remembered two things.

1. You and Mommy were so proud of me for being second top in our batch in my grade school graduation, but it was a bit sad that you were not there in the audience to see me march. But when we went out of the school gym, I saw a helicopter soaring above the school grounds. It was you waving and wishing me congratulations. I was a happy kid and excited for highschool.

2. People were all wearing white to bid you goodbye 13 years ago. All I saw were men in uniform in salute, people crying. My ears were numb with the sound of the chopper. I was a lost and confused kid, not sure how I can move on from that day to now.

When I heard the same sound this morning, I felt sorry and sad for not being able to remember you everyday for the past years. But now I am starting to miss you again with all the what-ifs if you were still here.

I feel damaged and shattered with everything that is happening now, but I also feel hopeful. I have been healthy and happy with all the tender loving care by family and friends through the years. I have survived those 13 years with only memories of you. I know I will also be okay this time, but please grant me strength and courage to move on, just like how I have learned to let you go after all these years.

Advanced happy 60th birthday Daddy. I love you and miss you, as always.


Thank You.

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For the long walks that seemed so short. For the late night conversations. For being able to hold my hand when I thought that there would be nobody left to hold it. For letting me know, even for a short time, that I am special.

I never thought I will be marking this one for the books. It’s been fun.

“Sometimes it’s not the butterflies that tell you you’re in love, but the pain.”

Memories Fade

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The smell, the memory, the feeling
Fades away little by little
Still see your face
Still call out your name, hoping you’ll hear me
Still you
I long for still you

My tears, your pride
The years and love have passed us by
Thousand miles away
But it’s you, still you
I long for still you

My hand, my heart, the feeling
What’s left of my memory of you
Holding on, holding still
And slowly, I’ll learn to let go of you
Still thousand miles between me and you
It’s you, still you
I long for still you

Your smile, my pride, our love
Holding on, holding still
Still you


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I’ve recently discovered that making songs can be very therapeutic. :)


9:14 PM

Struggling with the words I want to say
Looking up, I wish it were the same
Slowly now I drift and closely hear the sound of melancholy
Soon the rain will stop from pouring, from pouring

Would have been glad to let you know that I need you so
But I’m speechless, yeah I’m speechless
There’s nothing more to say
Would have been nice to let you know that I miss you so
And I love you, yes I love you
I need you, I miss you
And I love you, I love you

Holding on to words I long to say
Emptiness sometimes can be okay, I know that
Slowly now, I speak and closely listen to the voice inside me, oh
Soon the rain will start falling and falling down again

Would have been glad to let you know that I need you so
But I’m speechless, yeah I’m speechless
There’s nothing more to say
Would have been nice to let you know that I miss you so
And I love you, yes I love you
I need you, I miss you
And I love you, I love you

I need you, I need you more each day
And I miss you, I love you and need you and miss you
I love you, I’ll always love you.

You And I.

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You And I
1:21 PM

Love, why hurt so much?
Love, why make me blind?
Love, why make me weak inside?

I can’t seem to feel
I can’t seem to wake up
You don’t know that I’m still here
And I wanna know

Where are you now?
Are you in someone else’s arms?
You’re so far away and I can’t reach you
I am still here
You seem so close to me but I can’t see you
You and I
My wish is just for you and I..

Fate has been a fool
Of thinking you and I
Could end up in love forever
Seems all were lost and reality set in now

Where are you now?
Are you in someone else’s arms?
You’re so far away and I can’t reach you
I am still here
You seem so close to me
You and I..

Where are you now?
You can be in someone else’s arms
You’re so far away and I’ll never reach you
I’ll start somehow
I know someday I will learn to forget
You and I
But for now I’ll think of you and I.


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Just like the summer morning, I feel the burn
Looking for shade, feel like dying
Where are you now, what am I to do
Thinking of you

Just like the winter breeze, I feel ice cold
Reaching out, trying to feel warmth
Where are you now, I don’t know what to do
Are you thinking of me?

Just like the autumn leaves, I fall
Fading away, withering too soon
I know where you were, I know now what to do
I shut my eyes and weep

In the spring bloom, I come to my senses
Getting up, reaching through my soul
I know where you are, I know where I stand
Watching everything grow, I hope and pray

Ode To My Mom.

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Before the day ends, I want to greet the woman who once conceived me from pancit bihon (which should’ve been pancit canton, my dad just brought the wrong kind and she got really angry at him at that time hehe).

Seeing many friends and relatives in my generation having kids, it’s only now that I appreciate her for carrying me in her womb for 9 months. 9 months is a really long time for a woman to have a big heavy and wriggly bump on her stomach and kudos to her for that.

I love her for enduring my annoyingly loud cries every night for several years when I was a baby (based on her stories, I was a very spoiled toddler).

I love her for always making me wear Sunday dresses growing up (with matching laced socks and doll shoes). It was very difficult dressing me as a girl because most of the kids around me are boys and I wanted to dress like them back then.

I love her for being beautiful and talented. She once won a pageant called “Mrs. FABCEA” and I vividly remember her dominate the whole thing. As a kid, I found myself shouting “Mommy ko yan!” and I was really really proud of her.

I love her for having a blood of a businesswoman. Even though being a nurse takes a lot of her time due to shifting schedules, she used all of her free time attend classes and buy stuff so our family can have an extra income. She tried lots of things and excelled in all of them (Tupperware/Vision/Pyrex sales, candle making, soap making, chocolate making, baking, and many more). I was hoping I have inherited some of it, but seems like my Kuya got it and didn’t leave anything for me. :)

I love her for being thoughtful and giving. Her hobby is to make something and give them out to family and friends as gifts. She will never hesitate to give anything and everything she has, even the last peso left in her pocket, or the last grain of rice she has on her plate. She is more than willing to give all of what she has even if there would be nothing left for her.

I love her for being so funny. I remember the first time I told her I have a boyfriend, her first reaction was “Thank God! I thought boys don’t like you because you don’t take a bath!”.

I love her for being so strong. She assumed both paternal and maternal roles in our family when my dad passed away and kept us family intact. It has been several years and our family had come a long way.

I love her for her very high level of enthusiasm and happiness. Her energy is projected only by simple things in life and it’s never ever hard making her smile.

I love her for her strong faith. I know she is always praying for me and Kuya and Cayo every night, wishing for us to be safe and guided by God always.

I am uncertain if I will be able to give back even half of what she has given us, but one thing I can assure her is that we are and always will be there for her and always love her.

Happy Mother’s Day Mommy! I am coming home soon! :)

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