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I’m happy and in love and everything else. I am content with what I have. But sometimes, I feel like I’m left out.

I have a blur memory of myself when I was in 2nd grade. Our family just attended my cousin’s 18th birthday and I was thinking what my 18th birthday would be like. And now, I’m wondering that in a few years I’ll be 30 years old. “A few” is a number with one digit that is less than five. This is entirely different from my childhood pondering. It was an exciting feeling then, but now, it’s more of a panicky and an overwhelming one.

If someone would ask me about the most memorable experience in my life, I can’t think of any. All memories have equal attention for me and I’m not complaining. I can name random memories off the top of my head but it won’t matter because I’d be enumerating a different set of memories after waking up tomorrow. I fear that I’ll have amnesia in the near future, but that would be a different story.

I used to write in journals long ago when there were no cyber journals a.k.a. blogs to ramble on. I thought it was a good thing but my brain got dependent to the things I write in them. But where are my journals now? They’re just stuffed somewhere in my room. Gone. And now, my mind has the reflex of sucking in and flushing out memories.

I want a memory that would make me fall off my chair or even just make my lips draw a half smile. I want a memory that stands out.

Then people like Charlie Andrews in Heroes TV Series would come in the picture. I sometimes wish I had an ability like hers.

I’m turning 26 this year and I know that in the future, I’ll have kids with the man I love, get promoted with the job I want and travel to places I’ve never been before. These will be in the next 4-5 years. But I’m a little worried about the years in between. I don’t know if I would be able to catch up with what I want to do with my life before I get too old.

I feel like I’m missing out on some things. I need to find out what they are. I need to make new memories in this phase of my life. Time’s running out. I won’t be single unmarried forever.

A new, clean theme. Thanks to Wordpress Themes Base.

I’ve been busy for the past few weeks. It’s really hard catching up with tons of stuff at work. Lots to learn, so much to do. But I’m still hanging on. Hopefully this very awkward and stressful part of the adjustment phase would end soon. I still have two months to go before my evaluation so wish me luck.

The whole Kris Allen over Danny Gokey thing being the new American Idol also contributes to the heavy feeling I’m having.

On other news, I’ve started drinking again since my very traumatic experience a few months ago. I’m very surprised to find out that my face starts to get hot after just one bottle of beer. I had tasted the ice cold San Mig Light below zero last week with my room mates. That was the best beer I had since I don’t know when. I know there are several restaurants serving these beers around Metro Manila but I had mine in Grilla in Kalayaan.

I am guessing this week at work would be as hell as the past weeks. I’ll try watching Star Trek and Angels & Demons, that is, if they’re still showing so I can have something to look forward to.

Things are really not as bad as they seem. How’s that for positivity.

Danny Gokey’s out of American Idol Season 8. He’s the one I’ve been watching all season and now that he’s out, I sorta don’t care who would win between Adam Lambert and Kris Allen.

I had my bets at the very start of the season. I was blown away (parang judge a) by Leneshe Young and her song composition. Her audition stood out among all others for me. I was sad when she didn’t make it through the Hollywood week. There was also Emily Wynne Hughes, the girl who sang Barracuda. She was one of the many victims of group day. In the top 36 weeks, I was hoping Jesse Langseth would make it to top 12. I was wondering why the judges preferred Tatiana over her.

In the top 13, my bets were Lil Rounds and Danny Gokey. Their stories were very interesting and my imagination says they would become even more interesting when they win the competition. After watching Lil Rounds pick the wrong songs (as per the judges), Danny Gokey’s my bet for American Idol that can beat Adam Lambert. He has different ways of making the songs colorful using different tones whereas the original song only has a few. One of the songs he sang was What Hurts The Most. I haven’t heard the original, but loved his version anyway. It reminds me of his wife’s story.

So now he’s out of the competition, I don’t know who I should pick between Adam and Kris. But I guess whoever wins this, they all would have an exciting career ahead of them, including Matt and Lil and some of the top 13 contestants.