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The events over the past weeks were overwhelming. I learned that I had to let go. I learned to be independent and take risks. I made tough choices and stayed strong.

Life should not be lived by always being on the safe side. There are always risks worth taking and in the end, there would be no regrets. And eventually you’ll realize that you’re very happy with the new path you chose.

One thing I learned from all this: fight for your happiness and protect it.

Last week..

Monday. Too frustrated to work. Was given a simple task since last week and got stuck with an unknown configuration problem blar blar blar Java Spring blah blah. Still not talking in my seat.

Tuesday. Still stuck with the same task. Hoping my superior would not be too impatient. Still shy to ask questions. Had a team meeting which made me talk to the team. This is a good start.

Wednesday. STILL stuck with the task. Still scared to ask questions. Still want to try resolve the bug myself before asking. Self deadline is Thursday before asking for help.

Thursday. Was given a new task with the old task still at hand. Worried that I might not be able to deliver since this was the last day of the week. Asked a team mate to help me with the new task and was able to finish it in two hours. Asked him to help me identify the problem with what the original task that I’m doing particularly the meaning of the error message I keep on getting in my console. Problem solved! Happy! Asked kumares to go out and celebrate and we did. Awesome night.

Friday. Holiday! My brother’s birthday! Fiesta meal at a friend’s house. Got all blushed up after just one glass of Red Horse beer. Videoke with two of my favorite friends. Happy.

Saturday. Watched Yes Man, Taken, Kung Fu Panda The Secrets Of The Furious Five, Wall E, Knowing and The Holiday at home. Happy.

Sunday. Bought new DVDs. Went home far, far away. Started watching America’s Best Dance Crew Season 2. Pacquiao’s amazing!

I hope this week’s gonna be great. My spirit’s up. Go go go!

If I were to pick my favorite day of the week, it would definitely be Friday. I love Friday nights because I get to go home and the thought of having two more free days will be stuck in my head before I go to sleep. Saturday and Sunday for me are my panic days.

My first week at work had been both great and blar blar (I use blar blar when I can’t describe what I feel). I hope everything will turn out from blar blar to okay in no time.

An hour ago, I was anxious and panicky just thinking about being in the office after tomorrow. I feel like I’m running out of time. Good thing I started drinking beer with my boyfriend an hour ago. Really helped me calm down and think everything through.

On other news, I’m recently hooked with American Idol 8. Only five weeks left before the show ends. I’m hoping Danny Gokey would win over Adam Lambert.

My to do’s for next week :

• Learn Spring MVC
• Fix my closet in the apartment (looks like garbage at the moment)
• Download Paramore’s Final Riot
• Start using my Nikon D40 again
• Start using my Holga 120 CFN again
• Start blogging about life, not just opinions

And I realized I’m starting to miss the bum life now.

April 15 marks the third month I have stopped working.

After I lost a job three months ago, it was difficult to adjust at first but I got the hang of it after a few weeks. And now, I’m used to waking up at 10 in the morning unlike before where I have to wake up two hours before the office hours. I wake up, go online, check my mail, socialize with people in Plurk, play online games (JamLegend, Restaurant City and Word Challenge to name a few), watch American Idol and sleep late at night (insert two meals in between all of these, eaten whenever I feel like eating). Not productive but fun.

I have mixed feelings. I’m sad because this phase in my life will be ending after several days. I’m also excited with the new things I’ll be experiencing. And I’m nervous too.

I have ten days left. Minus one day for the medical exam. Minus four days for the family trip in Baguio. Five days left all in all. And I don’t have a clue what I missed out doing in the three-month vacation.

I’ll miss being unemployed. I’ll miss all the free time I have. I’ll miss being in the one place I love. I’ll miss everything.

Now, what to do?

It was a chain. A familiar voice and I woke up. Laughter and he was startled. Everything went blank. No explanations. No nothing.

The whole day was spent thinking about the whole scenario all over again. What did I do wrong? Water ran through my eyes.

For a moment, I was happy. I thought it might be jealousy. It was a long time since I felt I am chained because of it. But feeling it this time was different. I will be happy. I was, for a moment.

Before the day ended, it was not that after all. It was all just lack of sleep.

Several minutes of hyperventilation, apologies and a broken voice.

And then I was neutral.

And hoping.

And wishing.