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I’m happy and in love and everything else. I am content with what I have. But sometimes, I feel like I’m left out.

I have a blur memory of myself when I was in 2nd grade. Our family just attended my cousin’s 18th birthday and I was thinking what my 18th birthday would be like. And now, I’m wondering that in a few years I’ll be 30 years old. “A few” is a number with one digit that is less than five. This is entirely different from my childhood pondering. It was an exciting feeling then, but now, it’s more of a panicky and an overwhelming one.

If someone would ask me about the most memorable experience in my life, I can’t think of any. All memories have equal attention for me and I’m not complaining. I can name random memories off the top of my head but it won’t matter because I’d be enumerating a different set of memories after waking up tomorrow. I fear that I’ll have amnesia in the near future, but that would be a different story.

I used to write in journals long ago when there were no cyber journals a.k.a. blogs to ramble on. I thought it was a good thing but my brain got dependent to the things I write in them. But where are my journals now? They’re just stuffed somewhere in my room. Gone. And now, my mind has the reflex of sucking in and flushing out memories.

I want a memory that would make me fall off my chair or even just make my lips draw a half smile. I want a memory that stands out.

Then people like Charlie Andrews in Heroes TV Series would come in the picture. I sometimes wish I had an ability like hers.

I’m turning 26 this year and I know that in the future, I’ll have kids with the man I love, get promoted with the job I want and travel to places I’ve never been before. These will be in the next 4-5 years. But I’m a little worried about the years in between. I don’t know if I would be able to catch up with what I want to do with my life before I get too old.

I feel like I’m missing out on some things. I need to find out what they are. I need to make new memories in this phase of my life. Time’s running out. I won’t be single unmarried forever.

Last week..

Monday. Too frustrated to work. Was given a simple task since last week and got stuck with an unknown configuration problem blar blar blar Java Spring blah blah. Still not talking in my seat.

Tuesday. Still stuck with the same task. Hoping my superior would not be too impatient. Still shy to ask questions. Had a team meeting which made me talk to the team. This is a good start.

Wednesday. STILL stuck with the task. Still scared to ask questions. Still want to try resolve the bug myself before asking. Self deadline is Thursday before asking for help.

Thursday. Was given a new task with the old task still at hand. Worried that I might not be able to deliver since this was the last day of the week. Asked a team mate to help me with the new task and was able to finish it in two hours. Asked him to help me identify the problem with what the original task that I’m doing particularly the meaning of the error message I keep on getting in my console. Problem solved! Happy! Asked kumares to go out and celebrate and we did. Awesome night.

Friday. Holiday! My brother’s birthday! Fiesta meal at a friend’s house. Got all blushed up after just one glass of Red Horse beer. Videoke with two of my favorite friends. Happy.

Saturday. Watched Yes Man, Taken, Kung Fu Panda The Secrets Of The Furious Five, Wall E, Knowing and The Holiday at home. Happy.

Sunday. Bought new DVDs. Went home far, far away. Started watching America’s Best Dance Crew Season 2. Pacquiao’s amazing!

I hope this week’s gonna be great. My spirit’s up. Go go go!

If I were to pick my favorite day of the week, it would definitely be Friday. I love Friday nights because I get to go home and the thought of having two more free days will be stuck in my head before I go to sleep. Saturday and Sunday for me are my panic days.

My first week at work had been both great and blar blar (I use blar blar when I can’t describe what I feel). I hope everything will turn out from blar blar to okay in no time.

An hour ago, I was anxious and panicky just thinking about being in the office after tomorrow. I feel like I’m running out of time. Good thing I started drinking beer with my boyfriend an hour ago. Really helped me calm down and think everything through.

On other news, I’m recently hooked with American Idol 8. Only five weeks left before the show ends. I’m hoping Danny Gokey would win over Adam Lambert.

My to do’s for next week :

• Learn Spring MVC
• Fix my closet in the apartment (looks like garbage at the moment)
• Download Paramore’s Final Riot
• Start using my Nikon D40 again
• Start using my Holga 120 CFN again
• Start blogging about life, not just opinions

And I realized I’m starting to miss the bum life now.

April 15 marks the third month I have stopped working.

After I lost a job three months ago, it was difficult to adjust at first but I got the hang of it after a few weeks. And now, I’m used to waking up at 10 in the morning unlike before where I have to wake up two hours before the office hours. I wake up, go online, check my mail, socialize with people in Plurk, play online games (JamLegend, Restaurant City and Word Challenge to name a few), watch American Idol and sleep late at night (insert two meals in between all of these, eaten whenever I feel like eating). Not productive but fun.

I have mixed feelings. I’m sad because this phase in my life will be ending after several days. I’m also excited with the new things I’ll be experiencing. And I’m nervous too.

I have ten days left. Minus one day for the medical exam. Minus four days for the family trip in Baguio. Five days left all in all. And I don’t have a clue what I missed out doing in the three-month vacation.

I’ll miss being unemployed. I’ll miss all the free time I have. I’ll miss being in the one place I love. I’ll miss everything.

Now, what to do?

Another weekend. There’s so much to do considering the circumstances. Pay day, cloudy day, new coffee shops in town. I’d rather shop than stay here and let the impulse eat me up.

I have done all the computations and prioritized every debt that needs to be prioritized. This gave me a little headache mixed up with a little heartache from the beginning because of the huge amount of tax I saw on my payslip the other day.

The good part is I get to go home and see him, and that complements the tormenting week I had at work and also levels down all the headaches and heartaches.

And for now, I’m shopping. No subject-diversion intended.

2003. My favorite year. It was five years ago when everything began. I had to admit that I miss all of it. We were young then. No clue what the future will bring us.

And now it brought us here to this place. I wouldn’t exchange any of these for anything.

Last Monday at exactly five minutes after I left him for another whole week of tiring work, I missed him.